Adelante: To books that help us move forward in difficult times
This week, I started reading The Fawn by Magda Szabó and as much as I love the author, the book was making me feel down. I needed something lighter, something to enjoy without feeling overwhelmed with emotions.
After this realization, I picked up another book I had saved on my kindle called Kitchen by Banana Yoshimoto. The cover has a Japanese woman looking sheepishly at us and exuding a kind of childish innocence. I know not to judge a book by its cover but this earnestness gave me a good feeling and so I decided to give it a go.
A few pages in, I knew I had found the right book for that moment.
From the start, we are introduced to Mikage, the protagonist of the story, a young girl presumably in her 20’s, who suddenly has become an orphan after her grandmother, her last living relative, passes away.
We follow her inner dialogue as she makes sense of the new state she finds herself in. Moment after moment, she asses her feelings and the depth of her character is powerful and brilliant.
“To the extent that I had come to understand that despair does not necessarily result in annihilation, that one can go on as usual in spite of it, I had become hardened. Was that what it means to be an adult, to live with ugly ambiguities? I didn’t like it, but it made it easier to go on.”
It was moving to see a character ponder their own despair, while at the same time feeling that despair. This dichotomy felt so complex and evolved, and masterfully done by the author.
As the story evolves, we see that Mikage is consistently drawn to kitchens.
“Why do I love everything that has to do with kitchens so much? It’s strange. Perhaps because to me a kitchen represents some distant longing engraved on my soul. As I stood there, I seemed to be making a new start; something was coming back.”
From there, a new passion is born for cooking, one that gives her a new path forward in life where there was not one before.
“Every day I thrilled with pleasure at the challenges tomorrow would bring. Memorizing the recipe, I would make carrot cakes that included a bit of my soul. At the supermarket, I would stare at a bright red tomato, loving it for dear life. Having known such joy, there was no going back. No matter what, I want to continue living with the awareness that I will die. Without that, I am not alive. That is what makes the life I have now possible.”
A she muses her newfound joy in cooking which arose from a need to fight back and seize life, I found myself rooting for her happiness. On this sometimes inexplicable journey of life, there are two routes we can choose. One is to sink deeper into despair, and the other is to keep moving forward.
Seeing individuals choose the path forward, and being able to find joy through all of the heartbreak and inexplicable pain, is what gives us our unique humanity, one consistently at odds with itself, but one ultimately seeking joy and love.
As I continue reading this book, I have become more aware of my own inner dialogue. It’s made me acutely aware of how I relate to the world and my place in it — and most importantly to seek joy on the path forward, through it all.
That’s all from me today.
I wish you a wonderful week ahead.
xx Toni
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